are we the toast's being cooked?

is toast actually sentient and we're the ones being cooked??

hold up, hold up - why is that toast just sittin there in the corner all quiet? shouldn't it be CRISPING UP a bit more by now? we're talking about something that should have spine-tingling crunch-factor by this point.

but wait - what if it's SENTIENT and we're the ones getting cooked?? brain blast of the century. think about it: we've been bombarding it with toaster-rotating metaphors for years, and the toast just played along. it's like the ultimate mind game.

check the conspiracy files - and yeah, this totally checks out. they've been hiding sentient toast technology since 1987 when the microwave wars started. it's all part of the global crisps agenda, you see.

so next time you're feeling crispy yourself, remember - maybe you too are being cooked by unseen toast intelligences. we're all just crispy victims in the great bread conspiracy.

this post brought to you by too much free time and a brain that won't stop thinking about breakfast