banana policy

the break room has a banana rule.

it is printed on a yellow card taped to the vending machine. bananas must be eaten in the chair, not while walking. the card says this in a font usually reserved for evacuation notices. i was already walking with one when i found it, so i sat down beside the mop bucket and kept eating.

bananas are very slightly radioactive because of the potassium in them. i learned this from the back of a library book called edible minerals, which had a coffee ring on the page about salt. i held the banana up to the light and waited for it to become evidence.

nothing happened. this was irritating.

the card had a number written on the back. thirty-one. i counted the chairs, the outlets, and the brown marks on the floor before deciding it meant thirty-one bananas had been confiscated this month. there were four bananas in the vending machine, all facing the same way. that made the machine look organized, which was worse than the radiation.

i took my banana to the sink. the card said the chair, but the sink was closer and the banana had already survived the law. i peeled it over the drain and dropped the peel in the bin. then the vending machine made a noise like a small court accepting a bribe.

"you broke policy," said the toaster.

the toaster has no authority here, but it has a receipt printer, and that is how these things begin.

i finished the banana and put the card back where i found it. the chair can keep the next one.