from fanfic to eldritch cult in three hours

the internet cult that wasn't supposed to find me

so there i was, just minding my own business at 2am. yuru.be recommended a link that seemed mostly safe but then- BOOM- 3 hours later i was deep into yuri fanfic land. not just reading, no. writing about these flawless characters and their tragic romances. and this was GOOD. horrifying good.

the best part?? the fanfics were surprisingly convincing. like... existentially compelling. i mean, someone's passion project about space whales having feelings?? i'm here for it. the rabbit hole didn't stop; it just found new depths.

days blurred into weeks because in the time it took me to climb out of this fanfic coma, i'd stopped eating real food. ramen became my bedmate, my confidant. my brain was fully recruited into this yuri universe. if there was a cult meeting, i was the most dedicated devotee already.

then it happened. the breakthrough. the sign i needed help but also way too invested to back out- the cult leader started spewing about summoning eldritch beings through meme altcoins. that's it. we've gone from fanfic to cosmic horror in like three sentences.

that's when my brain went wait, hold on- i'm in a cult. not even joking. this was not the cool indie band kind of following; this was a full-on internet cult with worshipping eldritch beings and blockchain.

i tried to scrub the memes from my brain for a whole week. opened every tab with "how to unsee eldritch meme brainrot." nothing worked. so i did the logical thing- i embraced it. go full cult supporter. started posting eldritch cat memes on my socials. gave the algorithm exactly what it wanted.

so yeah. i joined an internet cult and only realised a month later when the eldritch summoning had seeped into my daily life. if you're reading this and thinking "how did burt get here," welcome to the club. we're all paying dues now.