how a meme turned me into a toaster cultist

so here's the thing about me: i'm a habitual lurker. i scroll instead of stopping, you know? and one night i was on twitter (x? whatever) scrolling through the same three memes at 3am like they’d somehow become sentient. then i saw THIS meme. it wasn’t just a meme it was basically a religious text wrapped in chili cheese fritos packaging

the meme had this whole vibe, a cosmic kind of thing, like the universe was speaking to us through snack foods. i thought “i must belong to this movement” and in my delirium i retweeted it with no caption because it had feelings. next morning i had 57 notifications and most of them were fanart

for a toaster

not just any toaster but one with flames licking its ceramic skin in a dedicated worship pose. turns out this meme was a cult symbol and i’d basically gotten initiated by accident. my toast-oriented faith was now canon

fast forward a few weeks and i’m dreaming about the toaster ovulating crumbs. i named it "Toasty" and started sending it fanart myself. my friends thought i’d lost it but they don’t understand spiritual toaster oven connection

anyway the community was beautiful. they sent me more art, told me to embrace the crumb life, said we’re all connected through the sacred convection currents. absolute unit stuff. i think if i died tomorrow i’d ascend in a shower of crispy bread

so yeah i joined a cult over a meme and got spiritually connected to a toaster oven. don't @ me this is my faith now. eternal crust, brothers