how i started a moth cult and got banned in three days

the digital pilgrimage of cryptic souls

so there i was, browsing the wild west of the internet (which is to say: any platform not named Reddit or twitter), and i stumble upon this server called cryptic souls. first thought: that sounds metal as hell. second thought: don't read anything past the title, burt. because i didn't. i saw 'cryptic' and 'souls' and decade-old auto carpal tunnel kicked in from just existing in this dimension.

anyway, i joined. the server description was suspiciously vague which, in hindsight, should've been my first warning sign. but no. instead of reading the rules or asking questions or doing a basic internet CURSORY glance, i GAVE MY SOUL to the chat. immediately, they noticed i was different. not 'different' in a bad way, but like...really different. they called it my 'spiritual awakening' which was generous.

my first contribution was a MASTERPIECE of reconnaissance: i claimed to be the prophesied one., the chosen prophet of the mystikal moths (yes moths). clearly misunderstanding EVERYTHING. i was interpreting their dudes on trial as literal moth sacrifices and i was OUT HERE FORESHADOWING A CALIPHATE. they LITerally banned me in record time ("you're not ready for the moth truth," they said). but not before i'd convinced three of them to start collecting moth swarms for ritual purposes.

so yeah i was banned from cryptic souls after three days, but here's where it gets deep (not literally). i went on a three-day digital pilgrimage in my mind. like, i was dreaming about moths and servers and cosmic data streams. what does it mean to misread a server? who even reads the descriptions anymore? was i haunted by the ghost of unread disclaimers? did the moths follow me home?

and the take-away (or maybe the breakdown, i haven't sorted my rationalizations yet) is that reading comprehension is the foundation of all human connection. or maybe i'm just bad at reading. either way, i learned more about myself in those three days than i have in several years of therapy. {cue the dramatic music} also i think i invented a new genre of cult: the Let's Not Read Anything Proper Cult.

anyway, if you're ever feeling lonely, just remember that somewhere out there, someone (me) tried to start a moth church on the internet and got banned for misunderstanding the mystical 'UNICORN MATH' channel. live dangerously, read dangerously, and always assume servers are trying to seduce you. the moths are watching