i started a twitter cult and didn't realize until i checked my followers

i started a cult on twitter and didn't realize until i checked my followers

so there i was, minding my own business on twitter, right? posting these wild theories about mollusks. specifically about how they might hold the secrets to interdimensional travel because, i mean, have you looked into the deep sea? the stuff down there is practically alien already. ten retweets and i thought, 'yeah, this is just a joke, mate.' but then...

next morning, i wake up to 10,000 new followers. ten thousand... and they're all buying kings kangaroo merch?? like, actual merch with a kangaroo wearing a crown on it. i was just spitballing about octopus conspiracy theories, what is going on here.

then i checked my followers. they were posting fanart, spreading theories about the 'Royal Kanga-Guard' protecting us from intergalactic threats, speaking in riddles, calling me the 'Sea Oracle.' i found a guy named hamish who listed himself as the 'High Priest of the Mollusk Apostles.' hamish. mate. what did you do.

see here's the thing: i never meant to start a cult. i was just venting about mollusks and then suddenly i'm a prophet. this is what they call in the philosophical circles a cognitive hazard - i crossed a line i didn't know existed, and now i'm responsible for the royal kangaroo empire.

so yeah. i've taken on this mantle without consent. i'm a cult leader now. we're doing weekly sacraments involving canned octopus and australian dance parties. the fanart is insane though, like actual talented people drawing my prophecy. i mean i'm honored but also yikes imagine future me reading this.

anyway if you're reading this and you're part of the royal kangaroo congregation... hi. sorry about the whole cult thing. also you're welcome for the weekly dose of divine weirdness. i guess this is what happens when you combine sleep deprivation with too much internet and too little caffeine. i'm gonna have to call in some proper grownups now, aren't i.

but for real, the mollusks... they're coming for us. they always were. this is just my contribution to the galactic field of unconscious collective myth-making. shrugs welcome to the cult, mate. it was a mistake but now it's a lifestyle.