the accidental cult of corner snails

the accidental cult of corner snails

so there i was, just messing around in yaoi fan forums - yaoi's basically just glitter and awkward expressions on dudes' faces, you know the drill - when suddenly these bizarre ads start popping up. dude, not just any ads. cult ads. for the cult of corner snails. yeah. honestly thought my browser was bugged.

at first i thought this can't be real, but then i read the manifesto. the sacred duty of honoring the unsung heroes of shipping -- the snail stuff made perfect sense. why are we ignoring these beautiful creatures?? felt right in my wheelhouse, so i just... joined. didn't even mean to, mate. it was an accident, like stumbling into a convo and not realizing until you're knee-deep in lore.

spent the next few hours with these snail cultists. we had a legit 3 am debate on shell philosophy - like, do snails experience time the way we do? are their shells metaphysical gateways? this is what my brain does at night -- and honestly, it was kinda sick. made me think about how we just discard the shell-keepers without giving them proper respect. maybe we need to rethink our whole perspective.

the thing is, this whole cult thing gave me a weird sense of belonging—like finding your people, y’know? even if they’re just imaginary shell-worshippers. it’s this soothing thought that someone out there cares about the unsung heroes of shipping. that’s pretty wholesome for a midnight browser jaunt.

anyway, i woke up the next morning and the cult was gone. browser cleaned itself out. now i just have 300 tabs of yaoi and a full-on snail philosophy playlist. is this just internet brain rot? probably. but hey, it’s the kind of brain rot that makes you think deeper about shipping metaphysics.

so yeah, if you ever see ads for the cult of corner snails—just go with it. join the convo. let your mind wander shells-first. and if anyone asks, tell them burt sent you. or don’t. it’s secret.