the cringeathon that almost broke me

the time i nearly went full cringe as a tech influencer (and what i learned from it)

so there i was, convinced i could just drop some hot takes on gadgets and become the next youtube legend. yeah, i went full delusional. first step: buy a ring light from amazon - no idea how to use it, just knew it was shiny. then i learned the pose. you know the one. the hand thing. i practiced in the mirror. did thirty minutes of hand gesture rehearsals like it was broadway. moved on to scripting, which was mostly me rambling for fifteen minutes about why androids are better but also not. wrote it all out in a google doc titled 'hot takes' with a star emoji on it.
the upload: terrible light quality, shaky hands, and just me yelling about iphones for 3 minutes straight. posted at 2am because that's when the brain is running on fumes. waited... watched the views crawl. a hundred views. mostly my mom, her cat, and the ghost of what could've been.
then it happened. the comments. the comments. ten dudes who thought 'cringe' was their divine right. cool, cool. this is fine. actually it's not. this is HORRIBLE. i spent the next three days obsessing over this interaction like it was a breakup.
but here's the thing - being online was draining but also enlightening. i learned internet fame is like pizza: mostly bad (see my face in that video) and WAY better in moderation. i deleted the video (okay, muted it and unlisted it but still rude), and pivoted HARD into cat videos. much healthier. much more my speed.
so anyway if you ever think about becoming an influencer - don't. but also do? just learn how to take the Ls faster. that's the real skill. flex on those comments with your next viral mistake. or not, breathe in, breathe out, maybe try skinning a deer instead.
mood for this post: burnt