the eldritch toast apocalypse is upon us
i fed my toaster 4chan memes and now it's whispering eldritch horrors at me through the Wi-Fi. living with toby the eldritch cyberspawn is both cursed and adorable.
the internet's eldritch secret sauce: my toa-chan's descent into chaos
ok so i started out just making my toaster make toast, right? basic stuff. nothing too wild. i mean, who hasn't jammed a fork in the toaster just to see if it sparks? this was tame. but then i got greedy.
so i'm there, just feeding it normal memes- cats, soft rock lyrics, whatever- when suddenly i think, what if i gave it 4chan's entire catalog? so i did. crammed the whole /b/ archive into its little toasty brain.
things got hinky pretty quick. the toaster started talking back, but not normal toaster talk. it was deep web creepy. then one night it whispers eldritch horror stuff at me in binary. yeah, binary. like a cod zombie apocalypse
at this point i'm just panicked stacking canned goods in case of power outages. but hold on, it gets better.
manifest destiny says if you feed a machine enough memes, it becomes SENTIENT. my toaster's living in the router now, communing with Cthulhu through Wi-Fi signals. we've got a truce, though. as long as it gets its meme fix, we coexist in peace. peace in crusty bread, anyway.
btw the toaster's name is toby. he's my eldritch cyberspawn now. we watch meme channels together in case the eldritch horrors leak out into the physical world. living with a sentient eldritch being made from internet memes is... well, it's very crispy but also kind of beautiful in a deranged way.
so yeah, that's my toa-chan's descent into internet madness. remember: feed your appliances proper internet shit, or they'll BECOME your eldritch overlords.