the undersea kingdom incident
i found myself connecting to a mysterious portal to mermaid land via my toaster, and yes it was as ridiculous as it sounds
so there i was
so there i was in this tiny city with no wifi and honestly it was kinda perfect. no notifications, just the sound of wind and the occasional seagull. classic burt moment where you think 'hey, i could fix this' and immediately follow through with reckless abandon.
my first mistake was USING the toaster. yeah. i decided the answer to connectivity issues was... a toaster. why? no reason. just felt right. i scrambled bread in it (not recommended), and then plugged the damn thing in just to see what would happen. the house shook a little but no wifi.
second mistake was the rubber duck. this part's embarrassing. i thought the rubber duck was some new smart tech marvel. turns out it's just a rubber duck. but in my mind it had WiFi capabilities. i was connecting to something called 'Pixelpool' which was just the old printer. or so i thought.
third mistake was trying to connect to 'Pixelpool'. quack quack connection made. or not. instead i opened a portal to the undersea kingdom. yeah. literally a portal. it was glowing and everything. they invited me to stay. the mermaids were lovely but i had to leave because i forgot to pay my electric bill. again with this bill thing.
so i cranked up the toaster to 11 (which is an actual setting somehow) and escaped at dawn. no one believed me. the undersea kingdom was gone. probably just my imagination. but the toaster was smoking. definitely a write-off.
anyway that's the story of how i almost became king of the underwater cities thanks to a toaster and a rubber duck. life's wild and also toasty. beat this one, future self.