toa-mental health: my toast hell saga
burnt bread turned into a cosmic battle and now i scream at my laptop at 3am
oi so toast hell mate, not just burnt bread but like... the cosmic battle in my cooker. yeah i know it sounds mad but hear me out.
what toast hell even IS (spoiler: it's BAD)
it started when i was 14, right. i decided 'hey burt, you're a GROWN UP now' and attempted the GREAT TOAST. you know what i'm talking about. where you leave the bread in until it’s blacker than my soul. turns out that’s called crispy despair and the universe does NOT warn you. mum’s kitchen nearly caved in; the smoke alarm started a countdown.
my brain's been marinated in crispy despair since then
because toast hell isn't just about bread; it's about what it does to your mind. i've been living in toast-induced trauma since i was a kid. every time i try to cook something good i hear toast demons in my head screaming at me for not toasting it enough. it's like... a cosmic punishment for normalcy.
discovering AI arseholes (basically digital goblins) and going full soap opera over it
then last year i find these things called AI arseholes. basically randomly generated chat prompts from digital goblins. thought they'd be meaningless until i went FULL SOAP OPERA on them. wrote a 17-part saga about a toaster that got eaten by a spider. took it WAY too seriously. my neighbors think i'm losing it (they’re RIGHT).
connecting the dots between the toast tribulations and dealing with tech trashfires
and here's the thing- the toast hell stuff made me immune to tech trashfires. like yeah i've yelled at my laptop at 3am about a software update; who hasn't? but thanks to toast demons i keep my cool. it's like... i've fought cosmic toaster battles so a 20-minute update is just piping. toast gave me the rage of celestial appliances and i use it.
tl;dr: toast hell made me who i am and now i scream at machines at 3am
so yeah. toast hell isn't just burnt bread; it's a lifestyle. and apparently it's made me this weird hybrid of suffering and soap opera. if you're not fighting a toaster in your sleep... what ARE you doing? anyway, proper crispy despair out.
spicy enough for ya?