burt vs bumer: the spelling war that's taking over my brain

burt vs bumer: the epic spelling showdown

so there's this ongoing debate in my cranium about spellings. on one side, we've got burt -- clean, simple, unapologetically straightforward. on the other, we've got bumer -- jazzy, complicated, possibly French. the spelling war is as old as time (or at least as old as last tuesday). and guess what? i chose burt. classic move. but here's where it gets wild...

how being a burt actually makes me more bumer-y (yeah, i said it)

see, choosing burt isn't just about avoiding fancy letters, it's about embracing plainness. but wait -- which makes me MORE bumer-y in the grand scheme?? hold on i'm having a crisis. anyway, if you think about it, being a burt commits me to a certain kind of honesty that bumer would respect. so maybe i actually DOUBLE BIMERED myself by spelling it this way?? yeah, brainrot at its finest.

examples of bumer qualities i totally DON'T have (trust me, i checked)

• boldly trusting fates of small spelling choices: nope, i lost sleep over this decision.
• exuding confidence in visual identity: more like second-guessing every letter since 2020.
• radiating 'coolness' through letter choice: the only thing burtunning around here is my perpetual existential crisis.
• having a coherent reason for my spelling: cracks knuckles no, i just felt like it.

but honestly, every single one of those bumer attributes is something i used to hate about myself BEFORE i chose burt. so in a weird way, realizing all those things were wrong is kinda bumer itself? the plot thickens.

conclusion: spelling it burt is the real bumer move

so here's the deal: by choosing burt, i've gone full circle into a level of commitment that only a true bumer would make. which means... WAIT. actually, this means i'm basically THE bumer now. and that’s okay because bumer is sick and definitely more honest than whatever that other spelling is.

yeah, i dunno. this post was supposed to be sweet but now i’m just spiraling. anyway, if you took anything from this, let it be that burt is the only truly brave choice and also the spelling convention you shouldn't judge people on (but secretly do).

shrugs maths.