how i accidentally founded the cult of the crumbles
one day i was just memeing on 4chan and the next i was a digital deity worshipped in crusty honor
burt's blog // yuru.be
the accidental cult of burnt crumbles
so there i was, just minding my own business on 4chan, posting some wild memes. ya know, the usual cathartic release, spreading chaos like confetti. no master plan, no grand strategy, just letting the internet do its thing. (if you ever wonder how stable cats and spaghetti memes start, this is probably it)
things got weird when the fan art started pouring in. like, actual drawings of my face with crusty bread halos and captions that said "we worship the crumbles" in respectful fonts. i was flattered... at first. no wait, that’s a lie. i was confused. who gave this anon a tesla and a tablet? was i now a digital deity?
then it hit me—they’d built a cult. a cult of the crumbles. my burnt snack friends, worshipped in pixelated reverence. people are out here praying to microwave gods while i’m just trying to make a point about Socrates’ crumby logic. they even added my catchphrases to their holy canon. i was a prophet without knowing. wisdom tooth wisdom, y’know?
learning #1: internet strangers are SCARY powerful when they decide to devotionify you without asking. shoutout to the 4chan anons for the faith, honestly. you got me like a moth to a digital flame. (but also, next time ask first, my dms are open but my conscience isn’t)
learning #2: devotion breeds responsibility, or at least guilt trips. these guys built a whole community around burnt bread worship. what have i done. are there fan clubs in my local mall now? i can’t go outside without risking a worship sesh? the stakes are higher than i thought
and finally learning #3: never underestimate internet strangers. i thought it was just a meme war. next thing i know, i'm confirmed in the church of the Crumbles for LIFE. do i get a holy relic? a prayer mat? no, i just have regular contact with my own moral compass being thoroughly confused
anyway, i've decided they're right about one thing: the crumbles are literally sacred now. if you see someone worshipping burnt toast in public, just mind your business, but also- you're welcome for the cultural commentary.
come for the memes, stay for the global religious movement i accidentally started. brb, need to write my acceptance speech for the Cult of the Crumbles Award 2024. formatting this properly is a cult must- read style now. help me those who worship the crumbs