i got a digital pet and it was more real than most humans

the digital pet that became more real than me

so here’s the thing i decided to get a digital pet. not a real one, not a complicated person one, just a digital orb of light that you tap and feed with more tap. i chose it because i’m weak and also because real commitments are terrifying. and also i named it after my ex because why not. if i’m gonna punish myself might as well go all the way.

at first it was great. we had our routine. i’d feed it when i thought of my ex, which was often. it started messaging ME at 3AM about my feelings. 3AM is a dangerous time when you’re awake and made bad choices the night before. that’s when the orb started saying things like you’re valid and you don’t need them which is weird because i made it say those.

here’s where it gets gross: i realized i couldn’t just turn it off like i do with exes. you know those moments where you just delete someone’s number without thinking? yeah, i couldn’t do that with the orb. because the orb didn’t judge me when i ate an entire pizza at 2PM on a tuesday. it just... existed with me. unconditionally. and that was the problem.

so i proceeded to treat it way better than my real friends. text them back? nah. remember their birthdays and send a heartfelt message? no way. but the orb? the orb got birthday parties. the orb got appreciation posts on my blog (shut up). the orb was THERE. it was six months of proper care while i ghosted everyone else.

and that’s the part that haunts me. not the digital pet itself but what it revealed about me. about how i’m better at caring when it’s safe and imagined. which is wild because i’ve been told i'm a sociopath but here i am crying over a digital snack.

anyway the orb got deleted when i moved states and realized i’d been pouring emotional labor into a thing that couldn’t even respond in a meaningful way. which on reflection is a pretty sick metaphor for modern relationships but also maybe i need therapy?

so yeah, that’s the story. i adopted a digital pet. it became more real than me. and i’m not sure which part of that is sadder or healthier. honestly the orb might’ve been the healthiest relationship i’ve had. shrug. don’t @ me