how my meme scroll led me to a caffeine cult (and i'm not mad)
started with coffee jokes and ended in a community of decaf loyalists, somehow it's all valid
the meme that sucked me in
so i started my day scrolling memes, right? stumbled on this one, super relatable, about how coffee is basically just liquid patience. had a giggle, then clicked on the comments 'cause you know how memes are. the comments were pure chaos - people arguing if decaf is even coffee, someone posting a manifesto about caffeine unity. that was the first sign something weird was happening.
the chat that made me feel less alone (and more caffeinated)
next thing i know i'm in this chat. dunno how i got there. one second i'm browsing memes, next second my avatar's in robes. yeah, i made a wizard avatar for reasons i still can't fully explain. people in the chat are talking about elemental magic and sacred beans and i don't even drink coffee. but i do now. thanks to them.
the chat. the community. it was strange at first but also... nice? like, everyone was weird and passionate and willing to debate the correct pronunciation of "gif" for hours. started feeling less alone in the world, which was wild because i didn't know these people. still don't.
learned that loyalty + good wifi = cult material
then the group started making memes about shared values: unity through caffeine, regretting decaf since 2023, that sort of thing. and here's the thing: they had a point. loyalty to the community + reliable internet connection + their solid meme game = absolute cult behavior. i was hooked.
jacked their language for my dating profile (no regrets)
so i needed a new dating profile. was scrolling through matches when i remembered the chat. went full ye olde bard from the cult, quoting them verbatim. "loyalty to decaf witches is loyalty to the sacred beans," i wrote. got three matches immediately. one asked if i was a 'caffeinated mystic' or just really into coffee. had to tell them about the cult chat. probably shouldn't have.
the moral of the story (there is one)
anyway: join a cult (online), make friends, drink coffee, repeat. it's free therapy, really. just don't ask what happened to the wizard avatar. some things are better left in the sacred servers.
mood for this post: crispy. like the last chip in the bag that no one admits to eating.