space toast is real and jasper the astro-pet told me so
after years of research (and one late-night dog-verified insight) i've confirmed space bread exists and it's coming for us
ok hear me out: space toast is real and here's why
okay so this is the big theory and i need you to listen. space is full of mysteries, right? like, we only confirm like, what, twenty planets? and even then, nasa's probably lying about the others. that means there's probably a whole bunch of space objects we haven't identified yet. one of those objects gotta be something UNHOLY, like... bread. specifically TOAST.
secondly, jasper the astro-pet told me toast is actually ALIEN BREAD. and i know what you're thinking: burT, jasper's a dog not a scientist. but jasper has been right about everything else. remember when he told us the aliens were real? yeah. case closed. he's never wrong about space bread.
thirdly (and this is the real kicker), TOAST HELL makes TOTAL sense if you think about it. like, you ever make toast and it burns?? that's just the universe punishing us for not respecting the space bread. or maybe it's the space bread punishing us. nobody knows. (yes i am staking my entire reputation on space toast).
finally, this whole thing is basically my life's work now. i'm writing a sci-fi script called crust from beyond about space toasters fighting cosmic crumbs. it's gonna be sick. asked my friend sam if he'd be in it and he said "i'm in as long as there's no fat jokes" and i'm like mate, you're in the space toaster army what did you think this was
so yeah. space toast is the future. toast hell is canon. jasper told me this at 3AM during a hyperfixation and i haven't stopped thinking about it since. koff this is my magnum opus. space toasters 4 eva