the accidental cheese raid of 2023

the cheese raid of 2023 (or whenever this was)

so i wake up, right. morning. usual grogginess. but then i see it. there's a tweet thread about a cheese product. a cheese product. people losing their minds over cheese on twitter. and i read the comments and someone says exactly what i was thinking which is "huh that's weird" and then someone ELSE says "yeah, go off" and that was my fatal mistake. not trying to be controversial, just trying to exist, but it took off

next thing i know my username is in a hundred tweets. i become the leader of the cheese attack. there's people saying "burt's right" and "we must defend cheese at all costs" and i'm just over here like ?? what did i DO. the regret hit HARD like mid-sleep regret. i'm responsible for this mess. should've kept my mouth shut

then the existential dread kicked in. massive. why did i say 'go off'. what if i disappear tomorrow and my entire twitter history is just this moment. should i delete twitter, should i move to an island, should i change my handle. the paranoia was real. i'm not joking

and meanwhile there's still people arguing about cheese in the replies of those tweets and i'm just hiding under a blanket reading philosophy tweets to cope. this is my life now. accidental raid leader of cheese crusade. what a timeline