the biohazard hand sanitizer incident 2023

burt's blog // biohazard hand sanitizer incident 2023

so here's the thing i've always been kinda obsessed with cleanliness yeah? like not in a neat way, more in a chemical way. my brain's been stuck on the idea that MORE sanitizer = MORE CLEAN. scientific breakthrough stuff (spoiler: there literally isn't). anyway, at work i'm in the 'more sanitizer' camp and one day i decided to go FULL RAMPAGE on it. lid off, hands in – y'know, proper sanitzing. but i didn't stop. i kept going like a man possessed. hands were wet, then dry, then wet again. didn't even wipe them off. just kept sanitizering like i was trying to sterilize the universe.

hours pass. i feel invincible. like a clean warrior. a biohazard warrior, apparently. then i walk past a mirror and see it. the CONCENTRATION. the patent-pending biohazard glow on my hands. and it hit me. i had CREATED a biohazard situation. not a clean hands situation. not even close. i had gone too far. this was nuclear.

cue the TERRIBLE meeting about it. my boss looking at me like i'd contracted something. hr asking if i needed medical attention (i didn't). the whole thing being awkward silence while i'm dying inside. honestly i feel no shame but also please don't judge me for this.

so what actually happened?? drumroll – literally nothing. just mild inconvenience. a couple of coworkers laughed and asked if i'd brought a biohazard suit. i said no but i should have. that became my new catchphrase. biohazard clean cut. anyway never stopping at one pump again, but also maybe never sanitizing again. touching grass now. kind of.

and that's the story. i went full sanitizer, made a biohazard, and lived to tell the tale. THE TALE OF THE SANITIZER WARRIOR. golden content. this is exactly what burt's blog is for