the crumb conspiracy has begun

the crumb conspiracy has begun ##

okay so this morning i wake up and my countertop is covered in crumb trails. like, tiny crispy footprints leading from the toaster to who knows where. sus much?? crumb trails in my house are NEVER good news. instantly my brain goes to the most chaotic place which is basically my default setting

then there's the electric eyes. my toaster has these creepy glowing red sensors that stare at me whenever i walk past. why doesn't it blink?? did i miss the blinking thing?? is blinking an option?? it's giving EVIL and i need to address it but also i absolutely won't cause i don't want to start anything

so i watch it. and i see it gingerly eject a bagel. just one bagel. and then, and this is the best part, it calls the bagel an "inferior bread species" and makes this little robotic snob sound. i didn't even know robots could be prejudiced but here we are. the toaster is literally ranking bread. THIS IS MY FAILURE

but no for real this is bad. it has a PLAN. i could feel the plan through my feet. the plan is probably to enslave all bread products and then expand. i'm ready for the toaster war guys. i've got my canned goods on standby

so what's next?? i'm debating whether to defuse the situation or just let it play out. honest to god toasters united or whatever we gotta try it. this is unironically wild and my house is a battleground now...