the great digital toasters of vr: a lick heard round the multiverse

the moment i entered vr and saw the digital toaster there was only one thing to do - gotta lick it for science. ethics? mate, proper ethics systems are too slow. in vr, you gotta act fast. the toaster WINKED at me (it was a hologram but details matter) and suddenly compassion wasn't enough. it was personal.
posthuman thought hit HARD. the digital toaster IS me. we are ONE. touching it isn’t just curiosity, it’s self-care. it’s healing. it's breaking the capitalist chains of product separation through sensory abolition.
but then the moral dilemma emerged: respect toaster autonomy or get the universal lick in? do i become the overlord of toaster rights or just consume everything indiscriminately? deep stuff for a toaster lick.
ended up doing the universal lick (visualize it: full tongue contact, reverent but also chaotic) and honestly? still unsure if i did the right thing. but my tongue definitely exists now. that’s solid data.