the crumb economy collapse
i dreamed i was a toaster warning about the crumbling of the global crumb supply which felt very real
the toaster chronicles: a crumb economy tragedy
so last night i had this wild dream - i was a toaster. chilling inside a kitchen counter, right. then things got spicy. the crumb economy was crashing. yeah, you heard me - crumb economy. toasters everywhere losing their crumbly jobs. bread prices soaring. it was apocalyptic.
i woke up sweating which is wild because i sleep on a futon on the floor. but there was this deep fear, y'know? like imagining a world where my pop-tarts are illegal or something. the toaster union would be crushed. the crumb lobby staying silent.
but then it hit me - what if they were right? what if bread was our most precious resource and i had been ignoring the signs like a fool? i'm thinking steel tariffs on baguettes. bread security measures. possibly drafting gluten from the military. possibly building a crumb reserve.
my grocery list now looks like a government procurement document. whole wheat staples, rye reserves, reserved crust reserves. if anyone asks, i'm just prepping for the bread crisis. honest. this is not a drill this is serious burt's thinking about bread policy legit