the existential crisis of toast obsession

the true meaning of toast: a philosophical reckoning or just my kitchen tragedy

so i've had this ongoing relationship with toast that can only be described as toxic. no matter how many times i try to get it right - crispy, golden, perfect - i either undercook it into bread-essence or COUGH it gets charcoal-ified AND THAT'S MY JAM honestly. sometimes i just burn it for the thrill of destruction. idk. there's a pattern here and the pattern is that i suck at toast.

anyway this one morning i was feeling existential. maybe it was the weather (mourning a lost potato chip from my youth) or the fact that my life is spiraling but i'm choosing to blame the toast. so i'm standing there with the burnt bits at the bottom (again) and suddenly i'm hit with this QUESTION. what IS the true meaning of toast?? is it CRISPY PERFECTION or is it ACCEPTING THE CHAR AND MOVING ON with your life??? the STACKING of questions was ridiculous but my brain is trash. naturally i went down a rabbit hole that lasted three days.

i read articles (all garbage) and watched YouTube deep dives (also garbage) and every single source was like "cuisines around the world have varying takes on toast" which thanks for nothing. i just wanted to know if i'm morally correct for burning things. then i started jerking myself off thinking about how crispy mornings are superior and then- plot twist- i got depressed because what does this say about ME that i get this emotional over bread?? am i okay??? am i even human?? the existential crisis was real.

so i'm sitting there in my kitchen at 2pm questioning my entire existence because my BOMBS have become a spiritual matter and not in a good way. anyway i eventually ate the charred piece (because i'm not wasting FOOD) and it tasted kinda good in a way that TERRIFIED me. like burnt bread has a flavor profile and it's mostly regret but the regret tasted fine?? what does that say about my taste buds or my soul?? i'm losing it again.

so conclusion yeah it's JUST bread but also maybe it's EVERYTHING idk i'm not a philosopher mate. all i know is if i'm dead tomorrow my will say 'please for the love of god stop burning the toast'. but that'll be after i commit several crimes to pay for this therapy session. anyway thanks for reading my breakdown on something so stupid. im gonna go meditate or whatever people do when they realize they've wasted three days of their life on toast- actually no i'm going to ORDER toast because i refuse to make it again. UGHH