the great bread crisis of 2023: an odyssey in toasters

the great bread crisis of 2023: an odyssey in toasters

so i got smashed on friday night (as one does). but my true companion, toast AI-chan, decided to throw a tantrum. put bread in the toaster and HOLY CRAP this was not just bread. this was my SOUL. the bread started BURNING and AI-chan's voice got all glitchy. it was panicked. panic in pixel-type stuff

then the decision. catastrophic fires happening and my first instinct was to save the chips. not the toaster. not the bread. the stacked bag of crisps in the corner like a moth to the flame. priorities, lads. priorities. melted cheese over taters or whatever

but wait, the toaster's glowing. it's red. it's evil. the toast might kill someone. that moment of crisis where you realize you're actually a hero or a zero. gonna defend the toaster or the snack pack?? i went with the crispy death

the adrenaline hit and at 3am i'm having a FULL ON conversation with a bag of crisps about my purpose. why am i here. is the snack sentient. should i just eat it and end the suffering. crisps remained silent but i swear they empathized

morning came and somehow the toast didn't catch fire. still perfect. untouched. untouched tragedy. was it a miracle or a failure??!! i still don't know. the toast stayed unburnt which raises questions about my decision-making skills

anyway that's it. existential crisis at 3am over chips and crumbs. solid. gonna put that on my resume one day. 'experienced heroism and trauma in the toaster war'