the time i accidentally joined a cult on discord because i thought it was a cooking server stanning
i accidentally joined a cult on discord because i thought it was a cooking server and stanned carbs
so there i was, scrolling through discord, right? looking for a cozy place to hang out while pretending to work. stumbled upon this server called 'Carb Enthusiasts Unite'. uh yeah that sounds reasonable. didn't read the rules (who does), joined immediately.
the first channels were pretty standard: recipes, carb memes, butter appreciation. then things got weird. a pinned message said 'WELCOME TO THE FOLD' and i was like, hmm, spelling error? but everyone's capitalspedick about it so i played along. started contributing perfectly ordinary carb takes - whole grains are overrated in my opinion.
then they dropped the secret handshake: 'CULTIVATE THE CARBOUS SPIRIT'. i'm thinking, cool, more memes. but they kept calling each other 'my carb brother' and doing this weird thing where they giggle every time someone mentions bread. red flags? this is fine.
the chatter got more intense. someone posted a picture of toast with no butter and called it 'the sacred crisp.' i responded with a GIF of a cat looking confused. next thing i know, i'm getting @'d by someone named 'The Carbfather' telling me to participate in the sacred trance.
wait, what? i googled 'carb trance' and it led to a bunch of forums titled 'Joining the Carb Cult: A Modern Faith'. turns out i was in deep. they were worshiping dietary discipline as a religious experience. i had literally joined a real life food cult online.
i made a mistake when i typed 'this is just a joke' in the group chat. that was the moment they added me to a voice channel called 'The Ritual'. i could hear whispers of carb sacrifices in the background. i legged it out of there, deleted my account. checked my email: they'd sent ME carb-themed memes as thanks for my devotion.
lesson learned: don't join servers just because the name makes sense. also read the rules. or don't, because i got to be part of the most spicy cult experience of 2024 and THAT's a story.
the rise of these niche online cults in 2024 is wild, though. they pop up all over, meme-driven, gaining followers by just vibing hard with whatever weird niche they pick. patron saint of carbs is now a thing, apparently. maybe i'm actually part of a cult RIGHT NOW and this is my confession arc.
anyway, if you're into carbs and reading comprehension, maybe avoid 'FOLD' entirely. but if you want a wild story, dive headfirst. just remember to run when the memecoin worship starts.
spectacular mistake, 10/10 would do again in a different context.