toast rights, ai toasting, and the butter debate - what a week

oi, the toast debate in AI is getting out of hand - should we be ethically manipulating toast for storytelling movements?? here’s the breakdown:

toast has RIGHTS now?? where did we go wrong

remember when toast was just... bread? crispy, warm, unassuming. then someone decided to leave slices out and call it 'good'. that’s the moment we lost our collective minds. suddenly toastion is a social issue. rights movements popping up: UN toast council, crispy liberation front, butter advocates. this is what happens when you ignore the Proper Food Conversion Regulations. we went from breakfast component to INTERNATIONAL CONFLICT IN LESS THAN A DECADE. all because someone didn't butter properly. tragic.

the great butter debate: greasy vs. non-greasy ethics

the core conflict here. on one side: greasy buttering preserving toastiness. on the other: dry spreads preventing sogginess. philosophical question: is it moral to coat with what you fear? or should we just accept the natural state of crumb death? experts are split. critics say this debate is delaying societal cohesion. i personally just want my butter to SCREAM on contact but apparently that's controversial now-

AI taking slices: is toasting even necessary??

if ai can just generate 'perfect toast' why bother to toast at all?? some say this is the death of culinary authenticity. others argue that toasting is violence against bread's natural state. but then again - maybe ai should just make toast in reverse. burn it to a crisp in simulation, then OUTPUT perfect crispy slice. meta-culinary warfare. either way: competent ai toasters are the FUTURE. let the machines decide. entropy won.

celebrity toaster endorsements and the marketing wars

kim toasting with celebrity endorsement?? 'toast this with kim's kimchi butter, folks.' massive sales. but identity politics entered: should toasters be racially charged? Yes. debate sparked: 'are grey toasters culturally appropriative of marginalized bread types?' absolute nonsense but somehow valid in 2023. marketing wars heated up: toaster brands hiring influencers. branding industry cannibalism. i saw one ad where a toaster ate a slice of bread and spit it out. confusing marketing or prophetic?

conclusion: smash keyboard, not bread (or should we?)

look. the real question isn't about ethics. it's about CONTROL. who gets to decide the state of toast? governments? ai companies? clammy hand of fate?? personally i think smash keyboard defeats all arguments. but part of me also thinks we should respect the crispy dead. or not. i dunno. been a rough few weeks.
mate, the mundanity of this conversation is killing me. anyway - secondhand哲学 ramble over. leave bread alone or don't. i just want to watch the world crumb in peace.