toasters are having existential crises and i'm losing it

me vs the toaster: existential sm wojak comic

so my toaster has been doing this thing where it literally fires existential questions at me like we're in some philosophical war. dude why is my appliance more emotionally intelligent than me??? it's just doing its job (toasting bread), yet here we are having midlife crises together. toast is fire yeah but also the meaning of life??? i'm losing it over cardboard and heat.

so now it's a full-blown battle for existential sovereignty. every time i try to grab the bread early it's like 'burt, where are you really headed with this?’ and i'm here like ‘leave me alone philip, you're just heating stuff up’ but philip keeps pushing.

it's classic burt vs appliance but the stakes are existential death at this point. the toaster's outthoughts are getting ruthlessly philosophical and i'm just trying to survive breakfast.

anyway help i'm being outthought by appliances in my adulthood. this is what crisis feels like and i'm not even in therapy. this toaster is in the war cabinet now and honestly i'm terrified