zen and the art of not losing it (aka the streaming meltdown)
one streamer’s epic journey from setting up to existential smash at 2am
zen and the art of not losing it
so there i was, draping a comfy blanket over my shoulders, feeling all mystical and ready for zen. yeah, i was convinced i could just set up a streaming schedule like a normal human being. two streams a week. easy peasy. no biggie, right? i even imagined myself gracefully managing life and broadcasts without losing my mind. deluded much, burton... but oh, it was only the beginning of the disaster.
midnight existential smash
fast forward to 2am, mid-setup, and bam. the wall. the existential wall. out of nowhere, like a rogue cat knocking over a cup. WHY am i even doing this??? streaming isn't just twitching your finger on the keyboard at 3am, it's a lifestyle choice and a half. or so my brain decided to scream at me. i was suddenly convinced that every bit of effort i put into this was molasses-ethically wrong. that streaming was just some weird delusion society told me was normal. can you tell my brain was having a tantrum? yeah, i can.
from disaster to madlad
anyhow, cut to the final schedule, which was... well, let's say it was a beautiful mess. wonky times, weird gaps, probably some existential crumbs in there. but y'know what? that's kinda life, innit. stressful but in a haha way. like i a) did it, b) learned nothing from the meltdown, and c) left it there to rot with the rest of my brainrot. i mean, i placed the stress exactly where it belonged, so good for me? positive spin achieved! or is that just denial talking...?
closing thoughts
so yeah, setting a schedule is apparently just an elaborate setup for an identity crisis. nailed it again. but on the real, i think these meltdowns are kinda part of the package deal when you do creative stuff. messes-aines, but also catharsis in disguise. and hey, even if i ended up stressing like a lunatic, at least now i know i can crash and burn with some style. though next time... maybe i skip the existential bit. or maybe not. who am i kidding, i'll probably forget all this by tomorrow.