the underground crumb catacombs and the toaster cult

the secret society of toaster cultists and their eerie underground crumb catacombs

so i was digging through my grandma's garage (as one does) when i snatched a toaster that looked seriously slick. shiny chrome, retro-mazing design, made my heart go all toasty. but here’s where it gets wild. this toaster had a secret compartment. naturally, i pryied it open (dangerously). inside? adult secret society stuff. emblems of bread and butter, dark rituals involving crispiness, a map leading underground (obvs) to crumb catacombs beneath a crusted mountain.

now, i know this sounds bonkers — but hear me out. i read those symbols like a twelve-year-old reading horcrux clues. the toasters are obviously sentinel beasts for the cult. and the crumb catacombs?? pure gold (literally). underground storage units filled with thousand-year-old toast preserved by magic heat. that's the real treasure.

anyway, i almost joined. the toaster's milky-white glow was hypnotic, saying 'become one with the crisp.' but then i read the pro tip in the margarine sauce that was floating next to the secret map: don't eat the butter fumes, brain rot is real. decades of sci-fi movies finally paid off, mate. smart decisions in the face of toasty temptations.

so yeah. if you're ever feeling dumb and wanna join a cult, just remember the pro tip. also, be nice to toasters. they might be watching.