how i attempted spiritual wifi revival

the great wifi incident of 2023

it started with a simple mistake. i was tired, the kind of tired where your brain forgets that plastic and glass don't mix. left my wifi router in the shower. yeah. an actual shower. where water is. the device that makes my life work. crikey. needless to say the internet went down. i tried resetting it. no dice. checked every connection. dead silence.
so there i was. staring at a brick wall of digital silence. medium.com suggested "reset your router". yeah no. i'm in too deep now. desperate tweets to gods who don't listen.
then it hit me. what if i could channel internet spirits. yeah. i built an altar out of coffee mugs and tinfoil. started burning incense made from last week's snacks.
i sat in front of the altar. looked at my router. and whispered "connect". no joke. and you know what. it worked. my internet came back for exactly three minutes before dying again. but it counts.
so now i'm a digital faith healer. performing tech rites for anyone who will listen. last night i had a whole chant going about finding better wifi. massive mood.
the moral here? when all else fails, make a prayer circle around your toaster. works every time. or at least it makes you feel better for a bit. which is pretty much the same thing innit