i accidentally joined a cult for three weeks and lived to tell the tale

the accidental cult

so there i was, browsing a 'guru' website for life advice. you know the type - big fonts, smiling gurus, the whole spiritual billboard. clicked around a bit, got convinced that nothing in my life made sense because i was basically floating in space with no navigation system. classic internet rabbit hole situation.

subscribed to their newsletter, which... kind of slapped? the newsletter was actually pretty solid. good tips, not preachy, felt like advice from someone you’d actually wanna grab a coffee with. i mean, if that coffee also came with quarterly wisdom drops.

then they announced a webinar. sounded promising, right? attended first one. then the second. next thing i knew, it was daily engagement. they just got me. the webinars morphed into daily meditainment rituals. meditation + entertainment = meditainment. i was visualizing my financial blocks vanishing into a vortex of purple dragons or whatever.

but here's where it went sideways. they sent an email about removing financial blocks by providing bank details. i saw that line and my stomach dropped. financial blocks. dude, i am six months behind on rent and these guys want my bank info to meditate better? that’s when alarm bells started to sing.

so i did the only logical thing. i lurked the subreddit dedicated to people who fell into guru traps. turns out... pretty much everyone in that comment section had been in my exact situation. some guy had handed over his mother’s social security number for "spiritual abundance". barf.

realized i'd been in a cult for three weeks. a cult based on podcasts and meditations. went cold turkey. did an emergency exit from their email list (which was actually kind of sad).

the wildest part? i still use some of those meditation techniques. think about it: i escaped a cult but kept the good habits. shrug you win some, you meditate in someone else's van.

so yeah, respect to the cults i didn't mean to join. also respect to myself for having the presence of mind to leave. maybe next time i browse a guru website, i'll remember this lesson. or not. who knows...

closing thought: they say don't trust anyone over thirty, but honestly? trust the subreddit more. the comments have never steered me wrong (except that one time about pineapple pizza).

anyway, stay weird, stay cautious, and if someone asks for your bank info to fix your financial blocks... just say no. let the purple dragons deal with it.