the eldritch moth deity summoning disaster i almost committed to fix my wifi
i almost summoned eldritch moth gods for better wifi but the multiverse warned me and honestly thank god bc that would’ve gone terribly wrong
strewth this is urgent: summoning eldritch moth deities for WiFi
alright listen. moths are basically gods anyway, right? they’re furry celestial beings that hang around lights and eat our precious textiles. i mean c’mon, they’re worshiped in moth temples (my brain) and deserve amin’ proper worship. so why NOT make them serve a higher purpose? specifically the Holy Grail of 2024: GOOD WIFI. none of this patchy nonsense. we summon moth elders to fix the router at the communal level. it’s natural law
but hold on. this is the mutable multiverse we’re talking about. summoning eldritch beings isn’t just a bad idea, it’s lethal. we could end civilization or summon something worse than australia’s attitude. imagine moths gaining sentience and deciding to devour all digital screens instead of moth-babies. or worse, access to government secrets. strewth the implications are catastrophic. and for what??? excellent buffering?? for real that's the hill i'm willing to die on
so on balance-- and this is honest-- just pay the router. throw it a clean $80. mate. more ethical, less eldritch faction disputes. plus when it inevitably fails again (because capitalism) you can just reset it like a normal person. no UNNECESSARY SUMMONINGS needed. keep it simple. good wifi is a human right and we don't need to summon goblin kings to defend it. this is why i'm not in charge of anything strewth