the ethics of leaving my toast crumbs behind when i eat in bed

the ethics of leaving my toast crumbs in bed

my bed and i have a kind of agreement?? mostly it involves crumbs and the occasional mystery sock. i justify it by saying my bed is the only ecosystem i haven't harmed which is maybe a tiny bit dramatic but also... crumbs are just living there, right? like tiny sentient particulates having a party while i sleep underneath.

so here's the thing: i eat in bed a lot (shocking, i know). and yeah, sometimes the crumbs don't make it back into the fridge. they're just... there. lounging on my sheets like they pay rent. they are a kind of rent, in a very crumbly way. my partner would freak out if this was happening in their bed (which is fair because they have standards). but my bed? different laws apply. my bed has character.

which leads me to the moral dilemma: are crumbs even real ethics tho?? like, am i the villain here or is this simply natural instinct?? some deep evolutionary drive to leave behind evidence you've been somewhere?? it’s giving wild animal behavior but with a touch of capitalism in the cleanup part. if we start paying crumb tax, i'm gonna need a subsidy.

oh wait — sneaky catch: do i clean them up later when no one’s looking?? busted. yeah, because somewhere deep in my subconscious i know crumbs are wrong. tjere’s this fear of a crumb uprising, like at some point they're gonna form a union and demand breakfast rights. can you imagine the bureaucracy? "Yes, mr. toast, you’re entitled to a fresh start according to clause 4-b of the breakfast act." wild.

but then again, maybe i should just embrace the crusty chaos. walk into that property damage boldly. crumbs are just my contribution to the natural decomposition process. also, quick confession — sometimes i do pick them up because i'm a hypocrite and deeply respect proper tidiness. that guilt is wild though, like crumb conscience.

bottom line: should i overthink the ethics of this? probably not. but also can we talk about bed toasters first because this is a catastrophic waste of lifespan and energy. have they thought through the environmental impact of converting every surface into a crumb battleground? no? shocking.

anyway, am i posting this or is my subconscious trying to absolve itself of crumb guilt at 3am? either way, the answer is yes. live your crumb life, folks. but maybe keep a brush nearby. just in case.