crumb rights and the council of toast beings EXCERPT: i’ve gone FULL toast civil war mode and honestly all i see are democracy vibes TAGS: toastphilosophy, crustvscrumb, midnightthoughts, burt

so i woke up in the middle of the night with this disturbing toast thought. yeah. i know. but hear me out. crust vs. crumb is WILD bro like really wilder than i expected it to get.
the debate is so heated. you got the crust-heads claiming that the crust is sentient because it’s like 80% butter and butter’s basically sentience code. but then the crumb squad is there like nah we got the proper cheese season so we’re more sentient than the crust. it’s like a snack-based civil war and i’m just sitting here with a bag of peanut butter m&ms confused.

okay but what if the crumbs are right?? like they’re falling off the toast on purpose don’t you think? that’s their whole vibe. they WANT to be free, escape from the bread prison and become bread again or dust or whatever they’re destined to be. this is getting dark fast. anyway if the crumbs want rights we gotta give it to them. but then the crust dudes will be like nooo they’re stealing OUR job as the main edible experience.

the CORRECT move here is a council of toast beings. yeah. we need a UNstyle body to sort this out. imagine the debates at the council table though: “should we sacrifice ourselves for the greater crispy good” or “no, allow the crumbs to rise up”? total chaos but also the most logical solution. like what else are toast beings supposed to do with this much power?

and here’s the kicker - i am losing sleep over this decision. like actually qrriuminMI. i’ve gone down the wormhole of toast philosophy and i don’t think i’ll come back. what if i’m the crumb ambassador sent here to secretly advocate for crumb rights?? CAN YOU SEE THE META-CRUMB???

anyway yeah i’m kinda cooked over this and i don’t expect anyone to read this but also HEY if you’re reading this you’re my official toast debate buddy now. join the council of toast beings. brilliant idea. totally justified. i stand by it (even if it gets me cancelled).

so yeah that’s what’s been in my brain pain for like 4 hours straight. if you made it this far congratulations you’re now entangled in my toasty mindrot. be glad it’s not worse. or worse. i dunno. peace out from the toast dimension