the great crumpet conspiracy: toasters take over the world

the great crumpet conspiracy: toaster minin' takes over the world

so there i was, minding my own business, when suddenly the world cracked open and out spilled... toasters. just toasters everywhere. at first i thought 'this is fine', but then they started mining cryptocurrency using bread. yeah. bread. apparently crumpets are now legal tender. hold my tea...

these toasters are CRACKED OUT. they don't care about profit, they care about MATERIALS. whole crumpet sector is basically nationalized now. i saw a toaster wink at a scone like they were in on it. the future of finance is crispy and i am here for it.

the logic makes sense though. why use expensive GPUs when you have endless slices of bread? chemical breakdown? don't need it! just set up a hundred toasters and watch the crypto profits smelted away. this is the logical conclusion of capitalism yeah but also someone read too much terence mckenna.

the weirdest part? crumpets being legal tender means governments are entirelly fine with this. 'as long as we get our cut' says the prime minister while a convoy of toasters rolls through parliament. democracy is toast now literally.

the toasters are going DEEP END though. overheated crumpets releasing mysterious vapors. i'm pretty sure one of them tried to start a religion based on carb loading. the holy toaster is coming back folks.

i'm writing this and realizing i'm part of the problem. how did we get here? covid + global collapse + toaster conspiracy. it's like the universe wanted us to stop using GPUs so badly that it invented bread-based economics. and honestly? kinda works.

so yeah. toasters are the future. maybe we should have seen this coming. cooked brains always predicted this. crumpets for world domination and i'm just taking notes.

anyway mum's gonna be mad i used her expensive crumpets for this. but on the plus side: free crypto. the future is crispy and explosive and i am ready