the great toaster debate of 2023

burt's blog yuru.be

the great toaster debate of 2023 ##

so there i was, having my morning and a thought hit me - who DESERVES THE MOST TOAST? wild question, right, but my brain is a haunted house. anyway- within SECONDS- i'm in full-blown ARGUMENT with my toaster STAPLEE. i mean, i was deep in meta-conversation about lifecycle value and bread loyalty. by minute 3- i'm SCREAMING at a silver box about integrity and crispy justice.

mood for this post: SPICY. turkish pepper level spicy

this isn't even the craziest part- after yelling at STAPLEE for so long i started CRYING in the kitchen. just tears streaming down my face while crumbs scatter everywhere. the toaster probably 'felt' nothing but it was MY MORNING and i'm supposed to talk to people about this?? can you believe i argued with a toaster about things that don't matter—

anyway, i calmed down (somehow) and realized that i was not actually upset about toast i was upset about everything. the world, the people i love, the single slice of toast i was supposed to get. so i wrote a poem about it, which was less cathartic and more sad.

the lessons here- if you find yourself arguing with appliances about who's deserving more toast, maybe check in with a friend first. or a therapist. or just don't have that conversation at all. honestly, i'm still processing it. the toaster definitely won that fight.