the lemon that sent me to the shadow realm

so there i am, mid-shower at 2am, akira and ghost in the shell pretty much bleeding out of my eyeballs from watching too many cyberpunk animes. my brain is ALL cybernetic neon circuitry and i decide, i dunno, to try licking a lemon. for??? i have no idea. maybe i thought it would unlock some secret level of consciousness or become one with zero one or whatever the hell they say in those shows.

anyway i grab the lemon, which is not as cold or as perfect as the animation made me FEEL it would be. it's warm, kinda mushy from sitting out too long. i start licking it and immediately regret everything. the flavor is way less COOL than i expected. it’s just lemon. real lemon. not neon or mechanical or anything cool like that.

so here's where it goes totally off the rails. i'm having a full-blown existential crisis while SLURPING this lemon. questioning reality, why i'm even here, who am i even if not a consciousness drifting through cyberspace or whatever the hell ghost in the shell said. like i'm having a philosophical breakdown at 2am because of a lemon. that's the level we're at.

it gets worse. i start scribbling a manifesto on transdimensional samurai and hydration futures. i mean WHOSE YAMAMOTO writing this thing. it's all about the spiritual significance of drinking water in different time periods and the sacred duty of samurai to defend fresh fruit because capitalism. i reread it this morning and i'm not even mad, just confused. wait no i'm panicked actually.

anyway i finished the lemon, went to bed, woke up and questioned everything. the manifesto is still in my drafts. pretty sure i'll delete it but also pretty sure it's a work of art (it's NOT). the lemon CRUNCHY aspect is concerning. i should probably see someone about this.