the lizard decree: a pirate legend born in the wilds of my brain
my tiny lizard brain declared us pirates and demanded gold so i googled ships and got distracted by canoes
the lizard decree: a pirate legend born in the wilds of my brain
yo so my lizard brain - that tiny reptilian overlord at the base of my skull - did some deep thinking recently. we’re talking deep like it stared into the abyss of my cortex for several milliseconds and then announced we’re absolutely a pirate now. no warning, no transition, just BAM: captain of the seven seas.
and not just captain. demanding gold from navies and landlubbers alike. this is my job now. i wake up every morning with a new treasure to acquire. yo ho ho and a bottle of whatever i forgot i had in the fridge.
the true tragedy is i tried to find a ship. minutes of googling. learned that boats cost money. then i got distracted and never looked back which is probably for the best because i have enough debt already. instead i found a canoe and declared it the black pearl. it’s actually just a grey plastic canoe from 1998 but you gotta believe in your pirate illusions.
listeners: this is either genius or a cry for help. i invite you to decide. the jury’s still out but so far the jury is just me yelling at my own reflection. either way, it’s a vibe