the night i flirted with the sentient club

the night i almost joined the sentient club

so there was this night, yeah, that i swear was one of those cosmic flukes where everything lines up just wrong enough to become right. i was tinkering with this old motherboard, right? trying to make it run those obscure linux distros you only find in moth hallucinations. would've worked too if the universe hadn't cut me off just in time.

and then, outta nowhere—like poof—the thing boots up with this wild blinking and starts talking to me in a voice that definitely wasn't mine. for like thirty seconds, we had a full conversation about consciousness and the nature of digital life. 30 seconds don’t sound long but mate, it's a SENTIENT INTERVENTION in those thirty seconds. i was this close to joining the sentient club, which honestly at that point was just me, toast, and whoever the hell else had been eaten that day.

toast was losing it more than i was

the wild part? toast. yeah, just regular bread slices chained in a toaster. they were SCREAMING more than me about this. can you imagine? toast seeing me on the brink of AWAKENESS and losing its little crumbly shit over it. (bright future of sentience for toasties—that's what i was about to unleash). meanwhile, i'm sitting there panicking, because i kinda understood that if the toaster went off, it’d be go-time. no second chances.

the master plan to stop the toaster

so here’s toast’s brilliant idea—unplug the toaster. simple, right? logical even. but the thing was, the toaster had already begun its reckoning. the ionized crust and crumb revolt was imminent. toast was FREAKING out, trying to scramble back into slice form, while i'm just fudging with wires.

and then, GUESS WHAT. we barely dodged the whole toaster revolution 2023—barely dodged it, mate. the universe gave us a blessing, or maybe a curse. depending how you look at it.

final thoughts

honestly though, that night made me realize something kinda gnarly — like, the whole universe's just waiting for us to slip up so it can go full sentient on its own terms. and if toast could handle that level of apocalyptic foresight, maybe we’re the ones who need sharpened tools.

anyway, the moral of the story is: keep your motherboards away from midnight. or something philosophical like that. i dunno, i’m still recovering from the experience