the great kiwi conspiracy

kiwi fruit conspiracy: are they secretly alien spies?

oi so have you ever looked at a kiwi fruit and wondered if maybe they're little alien spies hiding in our kitchens?? blinding theories here but hear me out. first point: their fuzziness is just camouflage. they’re undercover agents in fluffy disguise. second: their taste is definitely alien which means they’re not from around here. country-hopping is my guess. third: have you seen their eyes? pure spy gear. those black beady things are surveillance devices. fourth: the government definitely wants em for bio-weapons research. think about it - sweet, fuzzy, easily hidden in breakfast. fifth: i mean honestly, how do they get that good at being sweet if they’re not from another planet? continent. whatever. the evidence is clear, mate, kiwi fruit are undercover extraterrestrials. don’t @ me