the toaster is the real boss and i have proof
the toaster refuses to pop when told and it's CRIMINAL behavior
real talk the toaster always knows best
yeah i'm convinced the toaster is the real boss here. not even being dramatic. it's the first thing i interact with in the morning and it DECIDES when to pop. not me. like i'm waiting politely for permission and it's just defying me. absolute sass. the toaster got opinions and i am not in charge anymore. probably never was m honestly.
last straw: it stole my breakfast mojo
so this morning i go to make toast. feeling legendary, ready to conquer the day. pop the bread in, set the timer, feeling confident. then NOTHING happens. i'm WAITING and i realize the toaster hasn't made a peep. checked on it - BURNT my bread BLACK. just completely disintegrated my breakfast ambitions with toasty murder. that was the last straw. it stole my breakfast mojo and i can't recover from this.
it's plotting something
now i'm paranoid. what if the toaster is WATCHING me right now? what if it develops sentience and the first thing it thinks is 'how to eliminate burt.' we're not safe mate. this is my house but also the toasters'. it's a power dynamic i cannot escape. every crumb it leaves is a reminder who's in charge. toasters are the new middle managers and we're just the undercooked employee class. toasty uprising imminent. i'm ready or i'm not. probably not. i'll keep writing about it anyway